We tried for a long time to have a birth child and it just didn’t work out for us. I had worked very closely supporting families who were involved with Children’s Services and knew that there were children in the system who we could help. We wanted a family and this seemed the best option for us, we knew we had a lot of skills and love to offer that could help a child flourish and grow in the world.
Kamren is 7 years old, he is a fun loving, inquisitive and active little boy who wants to be part of a family. He likes to belong. He enjoys lots of outdoor activities, especially football and riding his bike. He moved in and out of foster placement approximately 13 times and struggles with the feeling of abandonment. This is a daily challenge and has been something we have worked on since he was placed with us, he always wants to know where we are going, who is going and when we will be coming back. He likes to be part of a big family and enjoys sleepovers with his cousins, days out with his grandparents and family parties (no matter what the occasion – however, he can’t hold his own water so never tell him what you’ve bought someone for their birthday!).
He can be challenging at times and likes to push the boundaries but what 7 year old doesn’t. He never had a consistent male in his life and has struggled to bond with Sean and this has been made much harder with Sean working away from home in London. Kamren was a very hesitant little boy when he was placed with us and this was evident in his reluctance to take part in any activity, this has changed so much over time and he now does a lot of things without a thought that are either new to him or goes to places he has never been before without a second thought.
Life is now all about Kamren, he has a much better social life than us and is thriving. We love being his mum and dad, we do a lot more things together and are experiencing life through his eyes which is great fun.
Seeing Kamren achieve, watching him try new things without a care in the world and seeing him becoming independent. It’s lovely to see his confidence increasing and him wanting to do more things. At the minute he is making friends with the other children in his class and it is fantastic to see him gaining a social life and watching him play out with his new friends.
I would say to others that it is the hardest thing that I have ever done in my life and has come with a lot of challenges that no matter how you prepare for being prepared is never enough! There have been times when we’ve cried (all of us) and times when Sean and I have questioned our decision but even if we had a birth child I think we would have at times wondered how we would cope.
Having an older child in the house is fun, you get a lot out of them and seeing them overcome their obstacles is far more satisfying. If people are worried I would say that actually these children all want to be loved, they want to belong and they want to be just like their friends at school. They don’t want to feel different, their milestones are much bigger as it takes more of their time and effort to overcome hurdles.